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Tag: movies

May 31, 2009

The Necessary Cheesy Ingredient

by Frank — Categories: Internet, TV and Movies — Tags: , — 1 Comment
American Cheese (album) album cover
Image via Wikipedia

Let’s face it – as geeks we probably have a higher tolerance for what is commonly referred to as “cheese” when it comes to movies, games, and other media. What’s cheese, you say? Well, like its namesake, it’s something that probably came about by accident (I mean really, letting milk get old enough to take the form of cheese, who thought of that) but which is somehow still enjoyable.

Bad line from a game like Resident Evil? Cheesy, but classic (Jill Valentine, the “master of unlocking” comes to mind). Bad line from a movie? Also not really that high-quality, but still a guilty pleasure (The Princess Bride and “have fun storming the castle” seems to fit the bill). And then there are movies that frankly, are themselves just one big ball of cheese (ever watch Big Trouble in Little China? Spaceballs?).

A lot of people can’t stand cheese. Hell, some people are downright unable to have it without issues. But unlike the lactose intolerent, cheese in the geek arts is something that actually can be stomached – if for nothing else, to have something we can conspiratorially quote to our fellow geeks and giggle over like two Furby toys pointed at one another. Sure, some geeks may decry the presence of cheese in geek media as a lowbrow, bad quality bunch of laziness, but let’s be honest – if there was the cheese, you wouldn’t remember it as such.

Destructoid recently did an entire podcast dedicated to jamming and jawing on the 1994 cheeseball classic, “Street Fighter”. Perhaps there was no greater microcosm of how something so awfully “bad that it’s good” could be loved as that episode, and the inevitable worshipping of the late, great Raul Julia’s last role as would-be dictator M. Bison. There’s a terrible sort of hilarity in paintings of Raul Julia/Bison riding a majestic horse or the famous “It was Tuesday” quote, not to mention the unintentional comedy of an American hero (Guile) being played by a dude whose non-American accent couldn’t be masked (sorry, Jean Claude Van Damme, real-life Flash Kicks don’t make us forget). We make fun of it, facepalm over it, perhaps even groan over it, but if we didn’t have that to compare a good, non-cheese product, how would we ever set the bar?

So the next time G4 plays one of those “Movies The Don’t Suck” but which actually are meant to be called “Aged Daily Overload Extravaganza”, stop and watch it. You’ll probably simultaneously be horrified and entertained, and who doesn’t want that?

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August 3, 2008

The Titanic Dark Knight

by Frank — Categories: Uncategorized — Tags: — Leave a comment

With so few movies among today’s jaded geek crowd that draws any kind of attention this year, you’d think that nothing could really bring any enjoyment these days. However, the exception appears to be, at least these days, bleak movies with a touch of seriousness added to a well-known geek icon.

So it should be no surprise that The Dark Knight is creating some record numbers. There’s even talk that it may threaten the top grossing movie of all time, currently belonging to Titanic.

Now folks, normally I’m not one for online campaigns and petitions. I appreciate the sentiment, don’t get me wrong. I just think that there are more effective ways of getting things done than creating a online list of names that will probably only be read by 2 people at most who have any power to change things. But this is different.

For years, the geeks have sat silent, sullen that a love-fest movie like Titanic took the title from Star Wars. Sure, we tried to say “good show” to those familes, elderly folks, and treehuggers who saw the movie at least 10 times, inflating its numbers to what appeared to be near ridiculous proportions. But inside, we were waiting for an opportunity to take the title back. And now, you’ve never been closer than ever.

So this little known blog is calling on as many of you to post “Sink the Titanic, Dark Knight!” and call on as many of your comic-obsessed geek friends to put themselves through the turnstile at least 1 or 2 times. Go with friends, go with their friends, go with their significant others who have to be drugged or drunk to go along – anything to increase the box office revenue for everyone’s favorite newly moody Caped Crusader. Yeah, those of you who are a bit challenged in the wallet have probably already seen it through a torrent of other means (see what I did there) but I challenge you to get off your downloading butt and put yourself in teh theatre for 90 minutes. You can at least kill some time waiting for the next batch of illicit content coming to your computer, right?

Even if we don’t crack that huge ship with the likes of the Joker, we’ll come pretty close, I’d say. As of this writing, The Dark Knight looks to cash in $400 million. That basically means it needs $235 million more by a generous estimate to defeat that masterpiece of a marketing movie that your mom thinks was the best thing since sliced bread or the cotton gin.

I hope someone joins me in this mildly futile gesture of one-upsmanship, if for nothing else to score a victory for ourselves before the next daily ribbing about being into cartoons, games starring a pixellated boob job of an adventure hero, and  that “role-playing” stuff.

July 6, 2008

Lights, Camera, Action Game!

by Frank — Categories: Gaming — Tags: , , — Leave a comment

Wall-E GameIf there’s one thing that probably boils over the tempers of many a gaming fanboy out there, it’s games that are based on movies. Compared to the excruciatingly painful development cycle of many games that take years and many delays to make, games based on movies seem to take only a few months. They also come out right in sync with the rest of the movie merchandise, creating yet another effective way to generate revenue for that “blockbuster” of a movie. I have to say, if there was any way to sneak in another definition for “milking the franchise”, this would be it.

Gamers hate these kinds of games, because they are basically shills that might have the development polish of a six-year old with a crayon. Oh, how they lament over the fact that such crappy games are allowed to exist while projects that take their time don’t get the same level of recognition. But enough about Duke Nukem Forever fans.

I personally think these aren’t so bad.

I mean, one thing is that they allow people to play an immersive experience with their favorite movie they’ve gone to see in theaters 12 times. In a form of escapism, these dedicated troopers eagerly buy these movie games and take them home, to live out their fantasy of being Spiderman or Batman, or that adorable little Wall-E robot. Sure, the novelty wears off after a grand total of 20 minutes into the game when you realize there are more bugs than there are in a cheap-ass motel. Why deny them a dream that will never be achieved?

Another is that they’re disarming to those people who think video games raise children to be violent little hellions with tattoos at 8 years old. Do you really think a movie studio who sinks a boatload of cash into the development of these little gems wants a crapstorm on their hands because their project is too edgy? No way. They’d rather have something developed that shills their product. Feel free to use any movie game as a shining example of how all video games are not like GTA IV, because one of those “concerned parents” is probably not going to know the difference between a game coded by an actual studio and one coded by the director’s nephew and their college friends.

And let’s not forget the myriad of uses these movie games could have on top ten worst games lists, games you would never ever buy, and games that belong in a garbage disposal. C’mon guys – you can only cite E.T. for the Atari so many times as an example of how not to make a game. You need originality, and the glut of awfully crappy movie games that make you play through sequences that aren’t even in the film is a goldmine.

So the next time you see one of these movie games in the bargain bin of $9.99 and up, don’t throw it down in disgust. Pick it up, love it, caress it, and give it some attention before laughing your ass off and putting it back. Like everything bad, they have a use.

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