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Tag: Fantastic Forums

September 18, 2009

Forum Friday – Punctuation, Communism, and Impotence

by Frank — Categories: Forum Friday — Tags: — 6 Comments
Demonstrators march in the street while protes...
Image via Wikipedia

If there’s one thing that I know pretty well, it’s forums, and the inevitable potpourri of wondrous thoughts that come out of them. Yes, forums are a source of group communication and a place where like minded individuals can share opinions, but they are also home to some of the best and most fascinating specimens I’ve ever seen. In this, a new Overly Positive feature, we look at some of the very best from around the ‘Net’s forums, and provide our own helpful and sunny commentary on them. So without further ado, let’s get started!

fuckin 12 yr olds

l4d2 sucks because it’s a ripoff of the first one. tehre should never have been a second, THE DOWNLOADABLE CONTENT WAS PROMISED TO THE FIRST L4D, THEN THEY ABONDONED THEIR WORK AND MADE ANOTHER FUCKIN GAME. VALVE YOU FUCKHEADS!!! WHATS THE FUCKIN POINT OF MAKING US PAY FOR STUFF YOU PROMISED FOR FREE!?!?!?!!??!

First off, it’s quite amazing that this poster admits readily to his age in the very first line. Not many people have the guts to do that, you know. Also, it appears this poor fellow’s caps lock broke midway through the first sentence. Get the man a new keyboard, Valve! He’s banging on it too hard. Also, as we all know and should take note – repeated puncuation marks are out of style. Alternating your puncuation, however, definitely gets more attention and is certainly not ignored. You’d better take note of this person’s mix of question marks and exclamation points, Valve! This guy means business.

Better have some people /ragequit then killing off the game before the end of the year.

So grow a brain.

At least I have a girlfriend and she loves my underdeveloped, tiny, impotent cock. Thank you very much.

How unfortunate that this poster has trouble with his organ of love! This is a serious situation – perhaps since he has “grown a brain” so large, it made up for the fact that he can’t satisfy his girlfriend properly. The horror! Frankly, I’m glad that this guy was gutsy enough to reveal his deficiency to the rest of the Internet, because I hear that there are pills or videos involving fursuited people to fix that. Whatever floats your boat, my friend – just get help.

Exactly, this is some nyerked up communist **** going on here! I wanna choose my godamn server!

This is great folks. Do you realize what this means for forums? Finally, Nazi-ism has been played out (must have been all those WWII games). Communism is the new black when it comes to accusing companies, management, or any other convenient target of forms of government that they know almost nothing about beyond games! I have to adjust my fashionable forum comments to match this – I would want to be out of style.

That’s it for this week’s edition of Forum Friday. Be sure to check back for more gloriously intelligent nuggets from around the Net, and if you have a forum you’d like us to crawl looking for gems, let me know!

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September 2, 2009

Thou Shalt Not Suck – Destructoid’s Brand of Community

by Frank — Categories: Internet — Tags: , — 3 Comments
Destructoid says Wii
Image by extraface via Flickr

Now, I’m not above a little bit of whoring when it comes to giving back some love for a backlink. Sure, that makes me sound like Overly Positive is that person in commercials that “totally endorses” products like male enhancement pills despite the potentially embarrassing side effects (a what lasting over 4 hours??), but it’s more like recognizing what’s cool if people are cool to me.

Such as it is with resident Destructoid forum master Technophile, who was kind enough in his monthly “Forums: We Have Them” post to link back to some tiny little backwater optimist’s blog in a brief mention. What Technophile doesn’t probably know, is that I’ve been a resident lurker in D-Toid’s forums for quite some time – for months, really, and that I stick around said community because I enjoy it. Here’s why.

As a person who has managed all kinds of forums – from the Darwinistic “community polices themselves” kind to special interest forums like for anime conventions, to my most recent, stricter stint as Assistant Site Manager for Warhammer Alliance, I find Destructoid’s to be well-balanced and fun to read. There’s a sort of edgier, more plain-spoken tone to Destructoid in general, and the forums, as they do with many sites, reflect that. The community at Destructoid is sarcastic, discerning, and snarky – close to what my actual personality, for those that know me personally, actually is.

But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t rules. Any community forum manager will tell you that moderating a forum is a constant balance of enforcing your very objective ruleset and understanding the occasional subjectivity of threads that require that enforcement. Is that thread a troll thread, or is it a cry for something else besides attention? Is a thread that violates rule #4 about exploits or cheating deserve closure, or will more damage be done doing it? You can have a strict community, or one that is more laissez-faire – it can work either way. But I like Destructoid’s approach – creative presentation of objective rules (“Thou shalt not suck”) while making clear the idea is that subjectivity does exist, that this is their house, and that common sense rules violations will simply be dealt with.

What does that lead to? A community that feels unrestricted enough in posting but which understands the rules in a way that they end up helping to defend them, not resist them. The result is a bunch of threads like Go Ahead – Call Attention to Yourself, creatively disturbing threads in the Podtoid forums that have resulted in male hosts having breasts (poor Samit), and the topicless The Bar thread, where almost anything within the rules can be discussed. In short, it’s the kind of twisted little humor that I appreciate daily.

Destructoid isn’t for everyone – its little green vBulletin implementation (another plus in my book, vB is amazing) can scare some people away, as can the idea that you are literally Fresh Meat for your first few posts. But it’s one that I plan on reading for the forseeable future, and perhaps even posting in, because it’s a community that works. I like the communities I’ve read, managed, and participated in, and Destructoid’s is no different. I’d get over there before you get sick of my optimistic ass-kissery of them. Of course, if you were sick of optimism, you wouldn’t be here…

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September 13, 2008

A Plea For Quality Moderator Feedback

by Frank — Categories: Internet, Uncategorized — Tags: , , — Leave a comment

During my time as an internet forum moderator I have honestly heard it all. I’ve heard the best things, the worst things, and been called all kinds of wonderful and amazing names that somehow involve a donkey, a 10 foot pole, and various parts of my anatomy. I have to say, guys and gals, that the feedback is greatly appreciated. Who else is going to keep us moderators humble like the people who love to use bodily functions to describe their posts? Someone has to play the role, right?

Lately though, my brow has been furrowed with concern. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m still getting the same awesomely helpful feedback of how I offer sexual gratification for very little money, but it just seems, well – something is off. People just aren’t giving feedback in a way that really is productive. They’re not really giving me something that I can take away from and treat as a precious nugget of wisdom. So in an effort to be helpful, and of course, bring the quality of PMs in my overflowing inbox up just a notch, I’m going to offer some helpful tips on some of the more common criticisms.

The moderators are such nazis: See, now this is just getting to the point where it’s overdone. I mean, c’mon – you guys are geeks. You’re supposed to be imaginative and wordy! Just because every single FPS out there has probably stolen and depicted every segment of World War II doesn’t mean that it needs to be in every piece of moderator feedback. At least change it up and tell us we’re like Attila the Hun, or Vlad the Impaler, or Barney the Dinosaur. There’s so much more historical material out there.

The mods can’t restrict my freedom of speech, fight the man!: Ok, so this isn’t so bad – it at least has that Braveheart feel to it, right? But aside from people not getting beheaded for screaming about freedom, it really doesn’t have that extra “oomph” to it, you know? I mean, when we edit or delete that post you made about how you would rather take a dump on a baby than play the game, at least try to put in something that really gives me that freedom fighter mentality. I hear Rambo or Chuck Norris movies are great material for this stuff.

The mods are powerhungry bitches and bastards: First off, how can you eat power? I think it’s honestly logistically impossible even in the figurative sense. What does power taste like, anyway? I certainly don’t taste anything when I am pressing the ban button 100 times a day kicking people off the forums for such gems as “I hope you die from sucking cock you whore-faced moron”. If I’m hungry for anythign during my moderator time, it’s for a nice juicy bottom sirloin steak and a beer. Sadly, volunteer moderators get bad benefits.

The mods are probably fat people living in their mom’s basement making up for their lack of lives: Well gee, in today’s market, everyone’s living in condos, for one. I can’t have a basement that is exclusively mine, so I can’t actually be living in it. And the lack of lives is universal, but my goodness, it’s so completely generic. I’m sure you guys can do better than that. How about telling us what we actually do with our lives, like not go out and sit at home all day eating instant ramen and IM-stalking people we probably have no chance of sleeping with much less meeting? That’s actually specific and it really hits home.

And, of course, I can’t let this go without…

The mods suck: You know, I could be sucking a straw, sucking a lollipop, sucking on my thumb after devouring a slab of ribs, and that would be considered a compliment. See what I did there? Again, you’ve got to get specific about the sucking. Otherwise, how else am I going to figure out that sucking is a bad thing and not a good thing?

I truly hope this commentary on the best of the best in terms of moderator feedback leads to higher quality posts. It’s the Internet, after all, so your imagination and insight should be boundless and not limited to the mind of a 3-year old witha  coloring book. I know you’re better than that.

August 21, 2008

The Soapbox Makes Me Taller

by Frank — Categories: Internet — Tags: — Leave a comment

One thing I’ve always noticed that is a permanent fixture on Internet forums is the use of the timeworn soapbox to make a point. Soapboxes used to be around all the time, but now they are a rarity only seen in junkyards and screenshots like the one I have on the right. But on the Internet, the Soapbox still lives, and continues on much like a zombie in your favorite horror movie or one of those serial killers that just won’t die.

You can easily spot a Soapbox post. They start out with some grandiose statement, like “Cats – the most evil creature in the entire universe”. Then they launch into a paragraph of detail, describing the history and object of their lecture with all the drama of a theatre production of “The Iliad”. They flourish with broad sweeping statements and end with a witty saying that is meant to elicit oohs and ahs from the crowd.

Now I have a soft spot in my heart for soapbox posts. Where else are you going to get people who treat something seemingly insignificant to others with the utmost importance? I have to say that the soapboxers of the world certainly give love to some commonly neglected and random principles out there, such as how to sharpen your pencil the right way, the trials and tribulations of software piracy and freedom of information, and of course, everyone’s favorite topic and the thing that ALL soapboxers point to, The Decline of Western Civilization and Society as we Know it.

And let’s not forget a Soapbox post’s mission – to make a change in the paradigm of anonymous internet readers out there. Oh yes, they nobly set out on a mission greater than the monologue before Star Trek, War and Peace, or any other work of media that actually makes a great mission statement in the briefing we call life. With their multiple adjectives, their near-psychic predictions of what will happen if people don’t change their ways, and, of course, the altruism that is totally not self-serving and borne out of personal reasons, Soapboxers look to make you realize how dumb you really are. Yep, of course people will come to their senses and say “wow, that guy making the 12 paragraph thesis is right, I’m such an idiot!”. I’m sure their first reaction is not giong to immediately take a virtual dump all over the post and tell them how wrong they are.

So I say, let the Soapboxers change the world, even if that world just happens to be the fantasy one in their own brain where people listen to them. What would you do with all the Soapboxes if you didn’t?

August 18, 2008

The Forum PM Treasure Trove

by Frank — Categories: Internet — Tags: — Leave a comment

One of the best parts of being a forum administrator is that you get tons of fan mail. Yep, it seems that when you’re out there fighting the forces of evil, putting out fires and dousing the occasional troll, you’re just destined to receive a love note or two. This is great, because obviously geeks like you and me who take a positive tack on the fact that people on the internet like to chat it up really like to show that they just can’t get enough of you and your dedicated job. So without further ado, I’d like to highlight some of the mail I’ve answered in my private messages box. Boy, these are real gems, so much that I had to change the forum names to protect the innocent from the pure, unadulterated good feeling these gave me.

Originally posted by feuterfest:
…? lol seriusly ur makeing me laught

saying this is a rant or a angry post.. ? its called its a FACT so far i seen treats being closed for hammering the company coz they deserve it since they give words and dont do anything.
so dont go all funcom on be a lock topics that have a meaning

Why, I didn’t realize I could inspire such humor! I’m touched, really I am. I’d have to say that your ability to spell and produce proper grammar also makes me laugh in that hearty way that you do when a friend slipsand faceplants on the sidewalk. Silly rabbits. And I also didn’t know that “FACT”s and “topics that had a meaning” meant that you had to compare a company’s performance toa  bowel movement. I must simply be more careful in the future. Thanks for the tip!

Originally Posted by Dacogiron
Im sorry man but it gets kind of ridiculous for what we got warnings over. If we cannot turn down an app and then tell them they are not good enough on our own recruitment forum, and then my Guild leader gets banned, why do we even have regiment forums. a lot of us are leaving WoW because it is a care bear world, and that is exactly what you are tryign to make here it seems.

Wow, you know, I honestly didn’t think about that when I issued that warning. I mean, gee, people just own their threads, and if I went in there and barged into it like Goldilocks in the three bears’ house, well that’s just out of line. I mean, never mind the fact that I’m supposed to keep some kind of order, I’m the party-crasher in my own house. This is a real eye-opener, one of those things that really makes you think.

Speaking of bears, and “carebears”, yes, I am definitely making our forum into a complete simulation of that wonderful little 80′s show where the bears had stomachs that could laser out a hole in anything. I thought that was pretty cool, didn’t you? But yes, maybe I shouldn’t issue a warning for you and your friends piling up on some poor schmuck in the thread like some cheap gangbang and saying that you literally wiped your ass with their application. I’m sure you meant it in the most positive and productive way possible and I’m betting that person feels so much better knowing they failed on the internet. I’ll be sure to keep this in mind!

Originally Posted by koolkidluke
why did you unlawfully lock my thread? ill have your job

Really? You’d like my job? Well as much as I’m sure you’d probably like to emulate me, I just have to say that you should really strive to be your own person. Maybe one of these days you too will have a forum where you can deal with your inferiority complex by banning people all day, since that’s why the rest of us do this and it isn’t at all because we want “productivity” or “community”. Nope it’s all about me. Besides, how can locking threads be “unlawful” when I am the law? It’s like a cop saying that they unlawfully arrested someone who pulled down their pants in public, like you pretty much did when you made that thread specifically “only for 14 year olds who like to swear and make gay jokes a lot”.

That’s all for now. Boy, all this great mail just makes you feel good inside.

July 30, 2008

Guild Side Story

by Frank — Categories: Internet — Tags: , , , — 1 Comment

One of the best things about being a forum moderator is that you get the most delicious and awesome love notes. Sure, more often than not they usually say “assface” when they really mean “great mod”, and maybe when they’re saying that thing about your mom being great in the sack it isn’t quite a compliment, but hey, you take what you get, especially here at Overly Positive.

Today I had to help administer some sad justice on two guilds who’ve been fighitng on the forums since what appears to be the beginning of time. I don’t even know how it started anymore, and frankly, it’s probably just some innocent misunderstanding. It was probably some guy, who, awed by some incredible post, wanted to say “you’re a capital fellow, that was a scholarly pont and you are intelligent beyond measure”, but it just came out only looking like they typed “ur a stupid nub, gtfo, diaf, go suck a cock”. Ah, text on the internet is really hard to interpret.

Anyway, I really had to step in after someone just a little too far, and I got this little note forwarded from someone:

I’d like to appeal this infraction. That guy was in our guild thread. So…I think this without merit.

Well, I just had to stop and think about that for a moment. I mean, why shouldn’t you treat that little corner of the internet like it was your turf in some online version of a gang war? Why shouldn’t you decide to waste time making sure you got in the last word on an argument even though someone can always type something back? Heck, a guild recruitment thread, that’s just sacred territory. You don’t go rolling up in someone’s grill like that, yo. I mean, why bother with actually posting something unimportant, like participating in a great discussion over game mechanics, or making suggestions about how to make the site better, or posting news items? You’ve got a house to protect, holmes, and yeah, while it’s more like a cardboard box in someone else’s mansion, it’s your damn box and no one’s going to piss on it.

I’m sure these rival guilds who fight all the time have got an image to uphold, too. Seriously – keeping up the love, and sometimes, fear, of those adoring anonymous internet masses is a lot of work. How dare I step in and ruin a guild’s need to whore themselves to the closest captive audience by gangbanging some person from “the other side” with flames and trolls! And what’s worse, I’m screwing with their teambuilding and synergy. There’s nothing better to build your sense of unity by all posting a link to some photoshopped RL picture of your enemy in a bondage suit getting it from a horse.

So really, I have to thank this random guy (or girl) for this epiphany. Continue on, 150 page guild threads – because you really need someone to step on to make yourselves feel better.

That’s guild thug life, youknow what I’m sayin’?

July 23, 2008

The Care and Feeding of Moderators

by Frank — Categories: Internet — Tags: , , , — Leave a comment

Perhaps the greatest masochists on the Internet happen to be those that take on the task of overlooking forums. I’m one of these people. We love to have to deal with two people posting pictures ofSome ex their balls in an attempt to outdo each other. We adore having to look at a 25 page thread regarding an argument that has basically devolved into two people shouting at one another while the rest of the audience throws flames about their target of choice’s gender, orientation, and need to sleep with monkeys. And we really just can’t get enough of those silly pictures that have immortalized Patrick Stewart, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and cats all over the world.

But even moderators need some care once in a while. See that moderator who follows every sentence with a smiley and behaves more like your mother would than a person your age? They are just one hour of neglect away from becoming an acid-spewing, powertripping, psycho killer, armed with a giant ban button and plenty of pent-up rage. So aside from posting a thread titled “wut do u think is gay”, there are a few things you should remember when dealing with your friendly neighborhood moderator.

The first is to be sure to shower appropriate praise once in a while. Moderators are like plants – they like a little sunshine and a good watering once in a while. Some examples include exuding appropriate fear response when a moderator bans 5 of your friends, starting a thread in which you compliment the moderator on their choice of clothes even though you can’t see them, and saying “thank you, may I please have another” when they post a warning to you about telling someone to go fuck themselves with a dirty rake. But be wary – just like plants, moderators hate drowning in too much water and can’t stand the burning pitch of your bright, happy commentary on their thankless job. Attaching your lips to the moderator’s ass will be a sure sign that you will be banned in the near future for being a stalker.

Another thing is to be helpful. Be sure to report every single post you can find that is offensive, especially the ones that are offensive to you. A minimum of 50 reported posts a day will keep your moderator busy and filled with plenty of quality content to sift through. Why, you’ll even be a hero to them for being so vigilant. Sure, your moderator might explode at their computer and decide to instantly ban people after dealing with reported post #15, but in that sense, that will be less people to compete for the affection of the moderator who is rightfully yours. And you’ll never have to see a thread that makes fun of your secret Pokemon fetish again.

But I really have to stress that nothing probably helps us moderators more than creating content, and lots of it. Moderators like me really get going when there’s a lot of content to look at, because otherwise we’d get suddenly bored and decide to randomly ban people whose usernames start with the letter “R”. For the sake of the community (and especially for those of you whose favorite username starts with “R”), it’s your duty to prevent your moderators from getting bored. This means creating plenty of threads. Don’t worry if they have improper spelling, have less than ten characters for letters, or are in the wrong place. Your helpful moderator will move it to the proper place and they will have plenty to do with your 5 threads about how you got sooooo drunk last night or what to do if your significant other tells you you should stop looking for porn while they’re in the room. Honestly, your moderator will be so thankful to you for having the spirit to make threads that belong like they should be in your blog or over instant messenger. They may even find it so stunning that you might not be able to post because they just want you to stop being so awesome with your thread creating insight.

Remember this stuff, guys and gals. It’s definitely sound advice.

July 12, 2008

It’s the End of the Gaming World as we Know it

by Frank — Categories: Internet — Tags: , , , — 1 Comment

Ban them all!In another way of feeling like I have some kind of masochistic sense of duty to the Internet, I’m a forum moderator by some trade. I’ve done moderation for forums for a number of years, ranigng from anime sites to event sites, to gaming. Perhaps part of the reason why I’m just so damn sunny is because I had the rage melted out of me years ago by too many interesting contributions from the community, such as posts that start and end with “this sucks, I want to kill myself”. When you see enough of that, you cope.

One of the best parts of the job is dealing with an “End of the World” thread. You surely have seen the type. They’re most common on gaming forums and are basically a reaction to an announcement or bit of news. The way these people were posting, you’d think someone came to their house, stole their crap, peed in their cereal, and made them eat it.

I’ve got one shining example that dares to reach 100 pages:

http://www.warhammeralliance.com/forums/showthread.php?t=43941

As a moderator, I’m obligated to crush their hopes and dreams under my rule-enforcing boot, but why do that when I can simply show them the silver lining in the cloud? That silver lining, my friends, is the banhammer.

I’m doing people a great favor by banning them for comments that they wouldn’t dare say to anyone’s face. Banhammers allow me to tell people that there’s a whole new wide world out there beyond the forum whoring you do. Bans, in their own sweet affectionate way, tell people they love them, because they care about people enough to make them IRL successful. Bans also expand people’s horizons. I mean, why wouldn’t someone find another community they can contribute to with their productive discussion titled “how I will kill the game developer on a budget”?

Bans help other people realize is not socially acceptable in other places. Sure, they may stumble through with all the bedside manner of a bar bouncer online, but a good, solid ban will take them to places they would never have dreamed of doing while making boring contribusions, like to the bathroom, the kitchen, and the other computer sitting on their desk with all their porn on it. Far be it from me to deny you your fantasy of sleeping with both Scarlett Johannsen and Christina Aguilera at the same time, so bans help that along as well.

So help us, help them, and report those bans. You’ll be saving lives.

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