Overly Positive Thoughts: Gotta Friend ‘Em All!

You know, the other day I friended someone on Facebook I hadn’t talked to in years. By all evidence presented, he’s a pretty popular guy, and with good reason. He’s charismatic, knows how to network, and navigates social circles with ease.

But it wasn’t until I saw his Facebook that we could quantify just how popular he was. At this time of writing, this new friend of mine has 1,586 friends.

I gotta say, guys and gals, this man is an inspiration to me and my pathetically small 230+ friend count. We need more people who seek to hit up Facebook intent on making everyone on the Internet their friend.

Think about the networking opportunities. Adding everyone as a friend means that you’ll probably never have to use a search engine again. Why? Because you can just find a friend on Facebook that knows about what you’re looking for. Want to know about Victorian dress? Look up the 35 or so friends you made at the Ren Faire, just by begging them to “check your totally rad Ren Costume album”. Want to know about fission bombs? How about that bunch of physicists that you friended even though you stuffed them into a locker when you went to high school with them. The possibilities are endless.

What about sharing your most precious memories with everyone who will be sure to click on them in the midst of their other hundreds of obsessive status updates? That picture of you shaving your legs to wear a kilt to play bagpipes? Totally worth it to share. The application that allows you to send messages to your friends about how good you are at avoiding productivity at work? Have to be sure to write about it! You need friends for this stuff – because nothing replaces real, human interaction like a Superpoke to all of your friends, 5 times a day.

Collecting friends is the new Pokemon. Get into it – or get out – just not out of my friends list – I need more.

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