Overly Positive

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So now that WAR has been out the requisite time it takes to start asking for those wonderful “class balancing” threads (and by my time it seems the appropriate time to wait is “3 hours or so”), we’re starting to see them all over the place. I know that during my daily travels through the land of moderation there are a lot of these wonderful little gems of productive contribution, which basically have a requirement of having at least one capital lettered word (if you’re lucky it isn’t a swear word), the word “Nerf” in it, and at least one statement that threatens something worse than if a kid decided to hold their breath til they got what they wanted.

Now, aside from Nerf missing a great opportunity to actually make money off of every time someone uses teh word Nerf in an MMO forum, there are some real, actual positives to these posts. Sure, they talk like the apocalypse is coming if the fact that they lost to a class 1v1 isn’t fixed. And yes, there are so many nerf threads sometimes that you would think you were drowning in a sea of Nerf balls like the one on the right.

But c’mon – they’re great entertainment. I mean, where else are you going to find a thread that has the best and most creative way to say “I lost badly, sometimes multiple times, and I need to make myself feel better?”. I’ve seen some real imaginative people, and I’m not talking about the ones who use genetalia to describe how badly they feel about dying over and over again. No, I’m talking about the people who like to compare Shadow Warriors to McDonald’s employees, Chosen to a fat 5 year old that holds a crayon, or Squig Herders to pretty much every single synonym you could use for the word “broken”. I’m talking about the people that want to downgrade a class so badly that they decide to use big words (and by big I mean 64pt font) and thread titles like “My face was burnt through the monitor by OP Bright Wizards, NERF NOW”. I’m sure if we allowed pictures we’d have webcam captures of people’s junk actually being abused by a “powerful” class.

And the entertainment doesn’t stop there. Let’s not forget all the wildly imaginative and productive replies to any nerf thread. I especially like the ones that claim they can see the tears rolling down the thread starter’s face, or the ones that say the thread starter somehow is devoid of playing a game, typing a post, or possibly, being birthed by someone who cares about them. In the midst of so many threads that try to explain their points in great and agonizing detail, nothing brings a little smile to someone’s face than a thread in which someone says they actually felt like they were slapped in the face (and probably slapped themselves for effect) by a class that they feel needs “balancing”. I know it makes my job more exciting.

And let’s not forget the fact that Nerf threads are the gift that keeps on giving. After all, they make more of themselves, especially the people who decide they want to nerf the nerf threads and make a nerf the nerfers post of their own. If we could somehow find a way to funnel the endless circle of hate, tears, and hurt on the forums over Destruction classes being too overpowered, Order having an unfair advantage in scenarios, and the game in general needing complete re-designs (or it’s going to “fail”) into a consumable energy source, we would be in the oil and gas problem we’re facing right now in America. Scientists, get on those forums, because have I got something that just keeps going, and going, and going, better than the Energizer Bunny.

So the next time you see a nerf thread, take a pause from your normal, rational posting, and be sure to stop by and take a look. After all, it’s not often that you see the perfect comparison of a bunch of monkeys flinging poo at one another. Just be sure to stay out of the cage and out of the line of fire.