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May 17, 2012

Archives: July 2008

July 8, 2008

Sandbox Blues

SandboxIf you’re like me and you have a tendency towards mayhem in games, then you’ve most certainly purchased or played one of those “sandbox” games like Grand Theft Auto IV, Assassin’s Creed, or Saints Row. A result of the wild success of these games and the inevitable fawning that goes with them is criticism of games presenting something like a sandbox model. The thing I tend to hear a lot about in reviews is how the sandbox game in question isn’t “immersive” or “realistic” enough – how citizens are mindless puppets rather than independent entities, how the player can or cannot control the environment, or how someone can’t partake in something happening around them to affect the outcome.

I mean, sure, I can see why these folks might be critical of this stuff. Gamers deserve to have more in a game that draws them in and makes the experience more real. Why not? It’s not like there’s something more important to do than watch TV or play pool in the game you’re playing. Sure, there’s going outside and being socially adept, but hey, why do that when you can make the experience more “real” for a fake world? We’re probably two steps and a nutjob away from being jacked in to the game world like “The Matrix” anyway, so why not try to make for a more “living, breathing” experience?

I’ve always been a big proponent of “if you’re going to do it, do it at 110%”. Forget that it’s mathematically impossible or redundant, it’s a great saying! That being said, here’s some positive suggestions to make those sandbox games better than they already are.

  • Introduce Force Feedback – Let’s just stop half-assing it with the vibrating controllers and the steering wheels that give you the shaky feeling of driving under the influence. You might as well start making the players feel what is happening to them. Electric shocks are a low-tech, simple way to do this. Heck, it’d serve as a way to keep those all-nighter gamers awake at night.
  • Create Forums in-Game – Let’s face it, gamers just love forums because it allows them the luxury of saying whatever they want and not have to be found beaten up in an alley outside the bar for being a dick. So create “literal” game forums within the game for characters to post all their whines, flames, and Rickroll videos, and you’ll have an “authentic” experience in no time.
  • School Them Good – Get gamers to attend classes filled with stereotypical professor personalities in-game to get “edumacated”. Allow for notebook doodling and spitball throwing. I mean, never mind the terribly ironic idea that gamers might skip real school for the in-game school in the game. If you can achieve “stay in school” at least on this level, we must be doing something right.

Developers have an obligation to make these sandbox games a “living, breathing entity”, or whatever else buzzwords these recent critics have to say about them. The day when a sandbox game has more actual life than the person playing it, means that we’ve truly succeeded at making the right kind of sandbox. Trust me – it’ll keep all those people who really value that stuff busy, while everyone else will be doing the unimportant stuff like getting a good job, education, and actually getting laid.

More sand, please!

July 7, 2008

Home Theatre on a Budget

Schizophrenic emoOver the weekend, I did a little of what would be called “window shopping”. And by “window shopping”, I mean that thing you do occasionally where you drool over things you simply can’t afford and leave with a sense of longing. It’s like some relationships, only compressed into 5 minutes.

Anyway, I got to checking out this really sweet home theatre setup. It had everything – the chair, the tv, and of course, the movies. I started thinking that it’d be real nice if I could bring this stuff home, and then it hit me.

I actually have a home theatre already, and its name is Internet forums. Ok, so I’m missing the really comfy chair with 20 controls, and my computer screen is 5 times smaller than the projection screen. My audio consists of a three-unit speaker-sub setup I got 6 years ago, so I don’t have that either.

But at least I have the movies, and specifically, the drama.

Where else are you going to find a hotbed of drama than internet forums? You have stories from beginning to end, with a buildup, an eventual climax, and then the inevitable letdown and guilty feeling at the end. You’ve got people so invested emotionally in putting up posts about how they should have had that kill or how they feel about “the issues”. You’ve got tearjerkers that make people laugh or cry when someone decides to put up a particularly nasty wall of text. You’ve got visual media in the form of all those funny cat pictures, Picard facepalms, and other such Photoshopped-in-20-seconds media.

Hell, you’ve got people trying to ruin the movie for you, by interrupting with some comment that was unnecessary, being generally loud with caps-lock posts, or trying to spoil the experience by making some snappy one-line summary that’s funny for only 5 seconds. Talk about the “full theatre” experience. right?

A lot of people don’t like to read 27 pages of why someone cheated on someone’s girlfriend with their sister AND their brother, but man, I can’t get enough. There’s a reason these threads exist, and no, it’s not because there are people out there that honestly don’t need to take posts on internet forums seriously, or – gasp – go outside once in a while. They exist for the entertainment of those of us who can’t afford having huge multimedia entertainment systems or who are jaded about movie content.

So the next time you see someone type /popcorn into a good Internet forum drama thread, pop a bag in the microwave, crank your awfully uncomfortable and cheap office chair back as far as you can go, and sit back and watch the magic happen. I know I do.

July 6, 2008

Lights, Camera, Action Game!

Wall-E GameIf there’s one thing that probably boils over the tempers of many a gaming fanboy out there, it’s games that are based on movies. Compared to the excruciatingly painful development cycle of many games that take years and many delays to make, games based on movies seem to take only a few months. They also come out right in sync with the rest of the movie merchandise, creating yet another effective way to generate revenue for that “blockbuster” of a movie. I have to say, if there was any way to sneak in another definition for “milking the franchise”, this would be it.

Gamers hate these kinds of games, because they are basically shills that might have the development polish of a six-year old with a crayon. Oh, how they lament over the fact that such crappy games are allowed to exist while projects that take their time don’t get the same level of recognition. But enough about Duke Nukem Forever fans.

I personally think these aren’t so bad.

I mean, one thing is that they allow people to play an immersive experience with their favorite movie they’ve gone to see in theaters 12 times. In a form of escapism, these dedicated troopers eagerly buy these movie games and take them home, to live out their fantasy of being Spiderman or Batman, or that adorable little Wall-E robot. Sure, the novelty wears off after a grand total of 20 minutes into the game when you realize there are more bugs than there are in a cheap-ass motel. Why deny them a dream that will never be achieved?

Another is that they’re disarming to those people who think video games raise children to be violent little hellions with tattoos at 8 years old. Do you really think a movie studio who sinks a boatload of cash into the development of these little gems wants a crapstorm on their hands because their project is too edgy? No way. They’d rather have something developed that shills their product. Feel free to use any movie game as a shining example of how all video games are not like GTA IV, because one of those “concerned parents” is probably not going to know the difference between a game coded by an actual studio and one coded by the director’s nephew and their college friends.

And let’s not forget the myriad of uses these movie games could have on top ten worst games lists, games you would never ever buy, and games that belong in a garbage disposal. C’mon guys – you can only cite E.T. for the Atari so many times as an example of how not to make a game. You need originality, and the glut of awfully crappy movie games that make you play through sequences that aren’t even in the film is a goldmine.

So the next time you see one of these movie games in the bargain bin of $9.99 and up, don’t throw it down in disgust. Pick it up, love it, caress it, and give it some attention before laughing your ass off and putting it back. Like everything bad, they have a use.

July 4, 2008

Hello Forums!

Jessica Alba wavingIf only most everyone looked like Ms. Alba over here. Perhaps then we’d have a less negative forum community.

I’d have to say, looking at the way that people post on forums when they first make an impression, you’d think that they showed up to a dinner party wearing jeans and a t-shirt to a black tie affair. Whenever someone tends to introduce themselves on a forum, or make their first few posts, there’s that inevitable crap that people tend to spew on them. It’s like the geek’s version of a fraternity hazing – because, you know, all the geeks were too cool to join up with those in college, right?

Introductory posts in forums aren’t so bad. Sure, there’s a little bit of that social whoring going on, as a new poster eagerly clicks away on their intro thread, but I have to say, even the most anti-social people have some need on some level to say to people “lookit me! I r notorious bitch!”. Just look at any flame post those same people level. It screams “hug me”, honestly.

Intro posts or people just saying “hi” are a form of communication. Here on the intarwebs, text is the mode of the day, and by allowing someone to put up an intro forum post, you get an idea of whether you think they’re worth bothering with, or if they suck because they can’t be bothered to spell out “you are” or use numbers to depict words. If they didn’t post, you’d never know that they were a closet stalker and you fit their demographic – until it was too late.

Clearly online forum moderators see some merit to these posts – or, at least, a way to organize all those borderline annoying social needy people into one place. Intro threads or intro forums serve as a way for everyone to say “hi” to one another like cracked-out Furbies, while at the same time keeping out all that totally unnecessary junk out of that terribly serious thread you are having about whether or not boobs or ass is what attracts your attention. People should be thankful.

So the next time you see an intro forum post that you think is unnecessary, fight the urge to torch it to death with your incredibly intelligent way of saying “you suck”. The information might just save your sanity…and your life.

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