So out of Games Radar comes a story about the women of video games that don’t quite make the cut. And by cut, I mean not making the cut necessary to show off their cleavage, their legs, or something else you’d probably not consider “safe for work”. From Pauline to Jennifer Mui to Kate McReary, this B-List of video game women just doesn’t seem to be good enough for the adoring attention of hopelessly female-starved fanboys playing games.
There’s folks who deplore the existence of such, well, average stuff in a game industry that demands a bust size at minimum of C, but like people who have to literally shovel crap for a living, someone has to do it. For every bouncy Kasumi out there, there has to be a Meryl Silverburgh. Where would the hordes of Tifa fawners be without the short-lived fame of the more clothed and therefore more boring Aeris? What about Lara Croft without Jill Valentine? Like with many things, you need an average in order to have extremes.
And let’s not forget variety. I mean, how boring would it be out there if every video game female out there was blonde, bursting out of their clothes, and bicurious for the sake of marketing? It’s like working at a chocolate factory – sure it’d taste good the first week or so, but after that, you’d be desperate for something different. There is such a thing as too much of something good. Besides, you could come to appreciate a “C” grade woman, and who knows – just like Ugly Betty, there might be a hottie hiding underneath that homely face.
So the next time you breathe a sigh of disappointment as a female in a video game comes out with the audacity to not wear a tank top and short shorts, just think that you’ll truly appreciate the next time that you see a “real” video game woman who is built like a porn star, kicks ass like a cracked out prostitute, and would probably only sleep with you for as much money as you’d pay a call girl if she was real.
Because you know, those women have plenty of personality.