Make Love, not Console War

Console HadoukenYou know, if there’s one thing that burns people up when it comes to talking about gaming, it’s the infamous “console war”. Let’s face it, if you thought conflict in that unimportant realm called “the real world” was bad, well, even thousands of years of cultural, racial, and governmental tension and strife can’t beat two or three people going at each other in a battle for console supremacy. The way people defend and attack consoles they love and hate, you’d think that they were stranded in the mountains with nothing to eat but each other. It’s that great, kids.

Console wars have been happening ever since I was a wee person, when Nintendo and Sega squared off in 8-bit and 16-bit duels, and Atari become the sad little prom date that was pushed aside for the hot cheerleaders. No one really seems to come to any kind of consensus or even any semblance of what you might call rational behavior, but here at OP, we  strive to bring a little sunshine into your lives. So with that, here’s some stuff to remember:

  • It’s all the same anyway – There’s a reason why I chose a Ryu vs. Ken image for this entry. I mean, come on, they TRIED to make Ryu and Ken different besides being a palette swap, but they’re really the same thing packaged two different ways. Ever get into a Ryu vs. Ken fight where the players did nothing but Hadouken each other for most of the match? That’s what console wars are like. Console warriors unite for you have something in common – you all spend 20 hours out of the day playing games and the remaining 4 hours bitching on forums. Racial divides have been settled just by finding common ground, and this is it!


  • Unite against a common evil – People grokking their favorite consoles and wasting time attacking each other are forgetting that there is at least one common element they can agree and focus their collective, misguided hatred towards, and that’s PC Gaming. Ever play a real-time strategy game and spend the entire time beating the snot out of a couple opponents, only to lose to that quiet motherfucker who built up a juggernaut of destruction that steamrolls all of you? That’s what PC gaming is to the console wars. C’mon guys – even the Autobots and Decepticons worked together at SOME point against a common threat. If it works for the Transformers, it can work for you.

…and finally…

  • You’re not gaming if you’re fighting – This is all about priorities, people. What would you rather do – get the high score in the Halo 3 leaderboards so you can post pictures of your wang in 1600 x 1200 on MySpace and declare yourself, literally, the biggest cock on the Internet, or flame someone for liking a console you think sucks? Yeah, that’s what I thought. If you’re going to be an attention whore, you might as well do it right.

So next time you think you’re going to post something about why the fans of the consoles you hate deserve to have their vacant heads put into a blender, pull back. You just might figure out some kind of meaning in lives that otherwise have none.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *